2020-07 : Last few thoughts.
2020-07-08 : New (and final ?) update.
2020-07-07 : Drunk Kat added some thoughts...
WIP WIP WIP
Might rename it, but for now it's good enough.
I wanted to work on a multiple parts project and explore the dichotomy of human nature.
Here, act 1 - the male perspective.
PART 1 : THE RISE OF MAN
The rock. The protector.
The builder. The doer. The giver.
The predator. The monster.
Dangerous, violent, hard, determined, yet... willing to sacrifice his body and his soul for something beyond him, that he doesn't even necessarily need to understand.
Unbreakable - yet, entirely dispensable...
He is the seeker of truth.
And he walks the path of suffering and solitude.
This, is his nature.
This is the male archetype.
But...
PART 2 : ANIMA POSSESSION
PART 3 : THE FALL OF MAN
This is an early draft / WIP description, I won't and can't complete it til I'm done with the next render, in a few days probably, I'll need some time to harvest the right ideas, thoughts, words - as this will be quite a private and emotional beast... Can't really focus on anything right now lol, I had a bit too much rum and I don't even know what I'm typing lol.
So til then, enjoy my WIP commentary, and yeah, as always I don't give a flying fuck if this ruffles some feathers.
Fuck this bullshit.
Update 2020-07-07
nother update now the 7-7same year and damn i spent the entire morning working on a enw escene render thing lol and whilst it renders i hhhad another glass or yum ruml lol my grain brain is entirely usuelss right now i'm just lagughing at the shit i'm typign lol
it's really fascinating actually cause im awxare of my thoughts, i hve the same "acurat" vision/perception whatever as normal but everyhing is just not attainable ot graspable , it's like navigating a huh.. i don(t know lol, but either way, it's really, really interesting znd i like it a lot ! i often wonder what would happened happen if i pushef further and had even more rum, but that wouldt be reasonable .
but damn... its tempting... cause whilst it mkes things "interestintg", it also breaks down all those walls of reason that prevent me from doing the right/wrong things... znd its about you, its always about you... everything is about you... and in this state, ithout thos ewalls i feel closer to you, and then i'm happier as i'd be otherwise... and i'd love to get rid of those walls, and let it flow, let is aall flow as it should, but no... no, cause the one in control doesn't allow it, i am Kat, but I'm also EDemo. but in this state, i am only Kat... and i miss you, i msss you so, so much;;; its killing me.... but i cannnot be weak, i cannot be weak i cannot be weak cause wheever i become weak and come close to you i hjurt you, and you cbecome spiteful and you you uhurt yourself... i am th eone that kills you and i don(y knowh that to do, i just don( t know what to do... probably not thiype all of this lol ! but xwhatevet,r, nobody's ever gonna read any of this shit... so yeah, just you, you yo... ko
Update 2020-07-08
Wow. What was that ? XD
I've been pondering about deleting this last "update", but on the other hands it's probably much more authentic than whatever my aware brain could produce : thematically it is entirely point on.
I've been thinking about ways to build the description of this render, when all I needed to do was to neutralize my thoughts entirely.
In summary, the idea being that men are rational creatures... extremely hard on themselves to avoid getting distracted, up to the point that they neuter any kind of weakness.
The path of truth is rocky and lonely. And I wanted to illustrate a moment of weakness. When all those structures of reason finally break down and expose man as what he truly is : a lost boy longing for this pure maternal comfort.
This isn't sexual desire, no, it's much deeper than this, it is the entire drive of man's existence : the return to the mother's safe warmth.
Man sacrifices his entire existence to create the circumstances that would make this happen, for himself AND for others. We call this "civilization". And in order to achieve this, he needs to become a monster, a beast.
We all want that good tasty meat, but no one wants to be the slaughterer. We all enjoy that delicious AC and modern comfort, but no one wants to shed limbs for extracting the blood of the earth. We all enjoy those safe restful nights, but no one cares about the ones staying awake and doing the required violence for this to forgo.
This is the work of the monster.
And man becomes that monster. Til things become too much. Til he cannot take it anymore. And he breaks, shatters. He loses all the walls he built around himself and exposes his most vulnerable core.
Just enough, just a tiny little bit of weakness to summon woman's maternal instinct. To make this union in the flesh happen. But not more. Never more than this. Cause the comfort is only for the child, it is the pleasure that is for the beast, and it's the beast that shall ultimately consume her.
Vulnerability that heals souls - and where new life originates.
When the beast becomes the child he becomes the father.
When the trickster becomes the child she becomes the mother.
And nothing else matters.
This is the only way.
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts...
I still don't know how to wrap it all up.
And anyway, the more I think about it, the more I hate it. All those words should be useless. All those words weaken the art. It should be able to stand on its own feet. So maybe I'll just end this here and call it a day. An eternal WIP lol
I'll probably make a final update as the "Anima & Animus" theme doesn't really fit anymore now, and I no longer wish to mention the fall : a commentary about how our human isolation, new religions and new technologies corrupted those core mechanisms, ruined men and women, and ultimately led to this age of narcissism and our loss of transcendence.
The further we stray away from nature, the more we lose ourselves.
But that would be all too much, and would need a real essay instead of a dumb comment on an illustration nobody will ever see.
So I'll probably drop that reference once I've found a more fitting one.
The very original idea was a juxtaposition of two lines :
"Give me lies, give me comfort..." for Kat, and
"Give my pain, give me truth", for Tiji.
So maybe I'll go back to those ideas again.
And why am I even typing all this ? Well, cause right now, I'm 90% sure that I'll never finish this at all, so at least I'll have those notes to keep some traces.
I'll see what I'll do when I start working on act II, the female perspective.
In the meantime, it shall just be this. A simple render of lost child seeking comfort.
Thanks, drunk Kat !
Update 2020-07
To expand a bit on the other parts I neglected :
This would have been a very personal story, one I went through myself, one that cost me the best years of my life, one, that ultimately ruined my entire life.
But to outline it grossly, here's the core idea :
I failed to become the man I should have been. I allowed new religions to grow inside of me, and i turned into their vehicle. I became weak, pathetic, and manipulable - addicted to instant gratifications and cheap distractions. And the failed man I turned myself into was no longer able to be this essential male life requires to keep moving on. I betrayed nature. I betrayed life itself.
This led to a fracture.
Society castrated me, pushed me away from the eternal hunt : the chase after women. It guiltied me from it, and gave me easier things to do instead : consume.
But biology remained unaffected, and the core desire, the return to the mother remained strong as ever.
And this led to an inversion. Instead of chasing after women, I turned myself into the "woman". I borrowed from the female archetype, I let the Anima take me over. Possess me.
I've pushed this thought as far as possible, and even claim that this here, is one of the core wounds that led mankind to this epidemic of gender issues, the dramatic increase in sexual reinventions, and, by extension, the crisis of mental issues and suicides that has been annihilating generations of youth.
All this blood is on my hands. I was one of the architects of this madness. Because I was week. Because I chose comfort. I failed, we, mankind, failed to protect those we should have protected. Cause we've been turned into narcissistic monsters.
This is an hypothesis that I've been entertaining for years, one that is, especially nowadays, ultimately verboten. But I don't give a shit.